I woke up to read a quote by Eckhart Tolle that said, "All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." Following this I watched a weekly YouTube video by a silly astrologer who goes by the name Kaypacha Lescher, and all he spoke about was letting go of the past, letting go of what is leaving your life at this time, and allowing yourself to be still and quiet while we wait for the new to come and replace the old that we have now let go of.
Of course all of this was so appropriate for this time in my life, and after having nightmare after nightmare this couldn't have been more perfect to wake up to. I read about constant nightmares and dreaming of death right before watching that video and it said that when we dream of death it means there is a huge change coming in our lives. Once again, totally appropriate.
I am thousands and thousands of miles away from home and I've learned that our problems and our fears follow us. Everything that is inside of us comes with us no matter how far away we travel from our homes. It has indeed been a little lonely at times in this room, or when I feel like I need a certain person in my life here, or when I just want to be held, but honestly I wouldn't have had this trip any other way. I needed this alone time for so many reasons. To learn how to be alone so far away from home and to listen to what my inner feelings are trying to tell me.
The things that followed me here have haunted me in my sleep, and in my waking thoughts. Over the past six months, I have struggled to let go of somethings and someones and move on and start anew. I have let it totally and completely immerse and fill my conscious mind with fear. Fear of the past and fear of the future. Eckhart Tolle's words were spot on for me this morning.
Although these things may have followed me here, I have learned to deal with them head on because of it. I learned something amazing throughout my journey and time here, which is still not over might I add; I learned that if we teach ourselves to wake up every single day and push ourselves to find the time and energy to do what brings us the most peace in the present moment, then in those moments we will learn more than we can by sitting and overthinking and dwelling.
Take a child for example. Children are constantly playing, full of energy, and they are always laughing and smiling. A child will get upset and cry over something and then not even an hour later they will move on and forget that that event ever happened and be right back to playing. They don't sit on the steps of the porch dwelling about the mistake they made last week, or the money they lack in their piggy bank, or the friend they lost a year ago. They move on so quickly that there is not time to do those things, nor is there a want. Children are always present because that is where the fun is.
So my point is, while I have been here, I have been like a child, for the most part. I have left my overthinking in my lonesome room, and gone outside to ride my moped, swim in the ocean, catch waves on the paddle board with Nathan and die laughing when I fall off and my top unhooks, slam down an Uno card for the win, see how fast I can swim from one end to the next in the pool, jump in the freezing cold waterfall pool, hike up the steepest literally breathtaking (I felt like I needed an inhaler) mountain back to the bike, and listen to the conversations being had in this very moment. All of these moments have literally pulled me right back into the present moment and I feel no anger there. I feel no judgment, anxiety, sadness, unforgivingness, or any fear. I feel free and I feel peaceful, and I feel INSPIRED.
I feel inspired to let go and move forward! That is one of the hardest things in the world for me, and maybe most of us to do. But I see that I can do it and have been doing it. So yes, I am still learning just as we all are, but if there is one huge thing that I have taken from this trip so far... it is to stay active and healthy, and learn to give yourself permission to be joyous in the moment. Doing whatever it takes to give yourself that.
And if you go back to my first blog post while here in Bali you will read at the very bottom that what I hoped to take away from this trip was to learn to live joyously in every single circumstance.
It is all going to be okay, there will always be better days ahead, and lastly, we are so powerful and resilient that we CAN learn how to forgive, how to be at peace, and how to live totally joyous lives.